2003 – Year of the Geek
Seeing as I'm kind of this media catch all for
Modern Stud I thought I'd give some year end stuff and some in
the future stuff. 2003 seemed to be the year of the geek. Martini glasses
and reluctant assassins gave way at the box office to super-heroes
and all things pointy eared. Network television has officially lost
the male demographic to geeky cable shows. Do you want to watch the
hackneyed sitcom about the career woman who has to chose between her
husbands kidney transplant or that new pare of shoes she has always
wanted sense this morning, or how to make a MOAB out of lava lamps,
a camp stove and a orange VW bug. Porn, not just for geeks anymore,
has turned breast implants into the Hubble Figurine collections for
our generation. But video games have become the synergetic center for
the geek. Sending it's tendrils out into the mainstream. A generation
that have more fond memories of Miss Pac Man then tether-ball, $40
dollar tickets to live the dream, and in a world were we seem to get
do less and less the games let you do more and more. Few of us can
vacation in Europe but all of use can blow up a nice size chunk of
So for the video games, the franchise tie-ins have been rocking.
For many years if a game was based on a TV show or movie you could
guarantee that it would suck
big donkey. Or if it wasn't too offensive it tended to have very little
to anything do with the franchise it was tied into.
Simpson's Hit n Run, or if you don't get it you're in the wrong place.
We finally got a good Simpson's game in Hit and Run. This is a
fan boy's tour de force of Simpson's trivia. It is mostly a
Driver but with a bit of plot former thrown in for good measure. They
captured the look and the attitude of the show very well. It
has great voice acting
by the normal crew from the show. They introduce vary little
new to the game material.
I'm sure there are people out there who are angry because this or that
is missing. These people need to be reminded that no one likes them,
I want to feel their eye jelly surge around my teeth as I bite
they put there
more complete game in my hand I'll start listening, this will never happen
sense they'll never stop masturbating and it's hard to code one handed.
There are problems. The physical borders for objects in the game do not
always match the animated ones. You can find yourself standing
in the air between
the blades of a ceiling fan and then falling through an awning
trying to jump to
a roof top. Some missions seem to require more luck then skill to beat.
I had to repeat one race until the AI car nosed into a barricade
to get past it.
But the missions are not too long and restarting is very simple
and fast. You also
have to dodge the odd suicidal mad men that try to kill themselves on
9 out of 10 better then any other Simpson's game worse then if they
had given Homer a sniper riffle.
Battlestar Galactica, or knee deep in toaster blood.
Ok so who hasn't wanted to fly great metal penis through space, shooting
photon ic sperm at metal vulvas. I've wanted this game senesce I realized
that Buck Rodgers was a pussy. Though my loyalties stand with the classic,
and not the new mini series which the game is a prelude to, there was
no way I was
not going to get my geek on. Over all levels are well put together with
two exceptions. Once you know what you are suppose to do it becomes
to that point can be a out right bastard. There are no checkpoints or save
points during the missions, some of which get dam long and hard. And after
some of the missions ad nausea it feels like you just got done in by some
thing long and hard. But the nimble and responsive Viper does not disappoint.
are other crafts that you get to fly as well as steel.
and gun emplacements on the Galatica. Playing the game for a bit
But if you
stall, finishing it will become a labor of love.
Over all it's a 7, or a 6 if you didn't grow up watching the show.
Better then Freebooter worse then Colony Wars.
LOTR Return of the King, or orcs bet you can't just kill one.
This hack and slash master is a great improvement on it's predecessor.
It puts you in the movie the same way some fresh liver and a old
tube sock can put you into your favorite geriatric porno. Until
peripheral I'm not sure if they will have a better movie to game
crossover. It seems the secret is to distill it down to the base
and never give
up good gaming for accuracy. Just like making a good movie means
following the fact
only until they get in the way of the movie. You can't change the
fact just because. The more you change the harder you have to explain
between Spider-Man and the Hulk. Which of those did you enjoy watching
and which did you spend asking yourself why they changed this or
Back to the game. The controls were slick and the button combos were
easy to get down. And above all the game was not populated with
tired with there station in life and want to jump off any cliff
they can walk next
to. Timing was a bit odd but passable. Graphics were sweet and
maps were well thought out. And lets face it, it's all about getting
the LOTR films are the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria sailing
out and proving that the world is geek. The game was beautiful
but with the
pre-rendered back grounds comes lack of camera control. Yes I'm
a greedy fu*k.
Over all a 9. better then LOTR The Two Towers worse then when I
dream of the genital mitt and blood squirt attachment.
Right now even our TV cops are geeks, catching crooks with cotton
swabs and not sweet chases through back alleys, but how long
will that last?
just geek sheik for now. But for the geeks out there these may
well be the salad days. But this is an unnatural surge in a ecosystem
resources. So when the kull comes what survives will be stronger
and more evolved, or a limping evolutionary dead end. Strip-mined
annihilation but not quite dead yet. Kind of like that Galapagos
Tortoise that's it's
last survivor of his species. He may live for a hundred years
but never get to fu*k.